Revelation: I will never be good enough.

Day 1 of 12 days of fasting and prayer.

Revelation: I will never be good enough. Growing up I felt this like it was my identity. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for my family to love me and that’s why I was put in the Foster Care system. I wasn’t good enough for any family and that’s why I was placed in 7 different foster homes in 6 months. I wasn’t good enough for any relationship and that’s why I was cheated on by every adult relationship I’ve had. I wasn’t good enough for anything or anyone. As an adult I still felt the ‘not good enough’ shadow on my life in the form of being a perfectionist and a control freak. If I could only do it well enough I’ll be good enough. If I could only control it all I could be good enough. Not being ‘good enough’ even drove a wedge between me and God. I couldn’t accept the love of Christ fully because how could I ever be good enough for a love so perfect? If I was good enough for God, he would have saved me from the abuse I endured as a child. Today I understand that I will never be good enough. Here is why: If I was good enough I wouldn’t need Jesus. If I was perfect I wouldn’t need Jesus. If I was in control I wouldn’t need Jesus. As a society we force people to be ‘okay’. Any time anything bad happens we say, “It’ll be okay.” Or “You’ll be okay.” In social media we all show face - like no matter what our lives are put together. We have it all under control. In reality, if life was 100% we wouldn’t need God. I’m not okay. I’m not enough. I’m not perfect. I’m not in control. I am loved. I am loved regardless of what I have done. And so are you. It isn’t our ability to be ‘okay’ that brings communities together, it’s our need for one another. It’s our ability to love and to be loved that mend wounds and heal the hurts we all have. None of us will ever be enough and that is exactly the way it’s supposed to be. So that we can walk hand in hand with each other to make the world a better place for the future of all mankind. I encourage you to embrace your weaknesses so that we can all work together to be stronger. It’s humility that gives way for growth. It’s knowing that we need to grow that allows for such growth.

Song - Maybe It’s Okay